Jun 26, 2012

Donnie Kirby

by Andrea Tadpole

For those of you who know me, you know that I have been sober in AA for almost 26 years, since July 5,1986. Over the years there have been a handful of people that I treasure as my friends. Donnie Kirby was one of them. Today I found out that Donnie was killed in a car accident.

Donnie was a member of my home group, High Noon at Rebos. He was one of the few people that were there for me when my life was falling apart last year. He was like the big brother I never had. He had a rotten sense of humor and laughter that was infectious. Donnie gave me hope and made me believe life could be fun again.

He celebrated two years of sobriety a few months ago. Things were looking up. He got a new truck and was going to school. Outwardly all looked well. Yet he relapsed. He went through treatment and gave it all he had, yet he relapsed again. Over the last couple of months he would call randomly. I could hear the torture in his voice. I wanted so much to save him yet I knew he was beyond my reach. He never made it back to AA.

Today my heart breaks because my best friend is gone. Yet the lesson he left behind for me is powerful. He has reminded me how important my sobriety is and how fragile life is. All we have is this moment...today. I love you Donnie, always have and always will. Fly free with the angels my dear friend. See you on the other side.

Jun 22, 2012

If I Could

by Andrea Tadpole

If I could
I'd let you see
How your presence
Infects me

Your flashing smile
And twinkling eyes
So suave and sensual
With debonair flair

Like a parasite
You invade me
I cannot deny
I am left with
Insatiable desire

If I could
I'd let you see
The fantasies
I've locked inside

I'd give up the fight
Run to you
Let my heart take flight
Our two bodies intertwined
Deep in the night

If I could
I'd give you my heart
From you
I'd never part

Jun 20, 2012

Oblivious To Me

By Andrea Tadpole

In the background
Secretly watching
Longing for you
With a thirst
Only you can quench

I go unnoticed
My existence unheeded

You brush by me
My knees go weak
Your scent drives me wild
My heart takes a leap

So close
Yet lifetimes apart

How do I bridge
The great divide
Get you to see me
Take me for a ride

Am I invisible
Can you not see
What you do to me

I blush
When our eyes meet
If only for a second
My palms sweat
I lose my breath

All I want is you
Yet you never see

You walk by
Oblivious to me

Jun 5, 2012

Last Pick

by Andrea Tadpole

I wish I was more than
Last pick
On your list

Wish you had
Unquenchable thirst
To be with me
Feel me
Just want to
Be first

We line up to
Choose teams
I'm passed over and over
Till no one is left

All alone
No one wants me
I am always
Last pick

You say that I'm
Beautiful
Passionate
Sensual
In my own
Unique way

So why do you
Throw me away
For someone prettier
Or new
Why can't you
Be true

I tell myself
I won't play the game
I will just
Walk away
I don't have to line up
To be left
All alone

Yet here I am
Again
Standing alone
Waiting
To be your
Last pick

My Oasis

by Andrea Tadpole

Lying here
In the pool
Floating
My body totally
Suspended
Weightless
And Free

Nothing matters
But the rhythm
Of the waves

I see the blue sky
Above me
Puffy clouds
Drift by

I am reminded
Of my first time
On the ocean
Seeing the white caps
Smelling the salty air
Watching the solitary
Sea gull
Completely at peace
In the middle of nowhere

I wonder do birds
Believe in God
Or do they just accept
Nature for what it is

They don’t appear to worry
About the things
That I do

They just drift
Alone on the sea
In middle of nowhere
Without a care

For a few moments
I become the sea gull
In my mind
Drifting
At peace
Relaxed
And free

Time is suspended
All the worries
Of this world
Dissolve away
I can float free

It doesn’t matter
If there is a God
Who is right
Or wrong
All that exists
Is my heartbeat
My breath

At one with universe
Alive and free
Its where I always
Strive to be
Yet it eludes me
Most days

So I relish
This time
Alone
Floating
On the water
Free
To just be

Then the silence of
My oasis
Is broken
By the splashes
And laughter
Of my granddaughters

I am brought back to
Reality
Reminded
It’s not just
About me
But about those
I love

Yet I know
Someday soon
I will return
To my oasis
To be free
And at peace
Once again