May 24, 2012

Music and Me

I have been on my own almost a year now. Times have been bad and times have been good. I have learned a lot about myself and I actually like who I am whether others do or not.

The one thing I rediscovered about myself has been my intense love of music. Music speaks to me in places no one else can reach. It speaks to every cell and I can do nothing but dance, no matter how stupid I look in response to it. Music has carried me through the darkest times in my life whether it be classical, pop, r&b, rock n roll or anything in between. Music has the ability to take me out of the doldrums and into a place of joy and peace. I know it sounds crazy for one with hearing impairment such as me to love a good song so much but I do!

Today I was having a down moment so at lunch I sat in my car, blasted the radio and lost myself in the moment. It still feels so good to just listen and let all the problems melt away with a good song :-)

To all my musician friends out there...thanks for creating such an awesome gift for music lovers like me!

May 16, 2012

My Response to a Gay Rights Debate on Facebook

I have read everyone’s banter back and forth about this subject and I have mulled it over in my mind for a while now. I call myself a Christian and by that I mean that I believe that Jesus was God who came in the form of man to the earth to redeem us. He was the ultimate sacrifice for us. He made that sacrifice because of who HE IS, not because any one of us could ever possibly get good enough to deserve it.

I was raised in what I call a Heinz 57 religion, a little bit of everything and all mixed up. I was told that I had sinned if I even as much as thought about committing a sin. Well, in that case I was screwed by the time was 3 years old. I hated my new little baby sister who screamed all the time and prayed God would take her away. Hell I have even fantasized about some really weird stuff that I will not share here so that would dam me to hell too. Not to mention all the different things I have participated in before I got clean and sober 25 years ago. I was told one thing after another by so-called holy men, pastors of churches. They supposedly knew the Bible and had a direct pipeline to God. They were skilled charlatans who could manipulate and pull any verse in the Bible out of context to suit their agenda. While at the same time, most of them were bilking people for money, having affairs and screwing their secretaries or trying to get in my pants when I got old enough. All this left me with a bad taste in mouth about religion.

Fast forward to 2003. I went back to college to earn my Bachelors in Fine Art. I had to minor in Art History. I had no idea how much art has played such a significant role in religion throughout history, especially in the Middle Ages. All of the education that I got and the research I had to do left me dumbfounded. Everything I thought I knew to be true about the Bible and Christianity is not at all what I was taught. I will not bore you with the details, research it yourself if you dare. I will simply say that the Bible has never been translated in its true form. There has always been an agenda behind how things are interpreted and translated. King James had his own political agenda and single handedly refused to allow some books to even be included in what is now accepted as the Holy Bible. He didn’t like what it said or something in it went against his agenda for political power. He actually used it as a form of propaganda. Oh and don’t get me started on the Catholic Bible. So, how does anyone really know that what we know as the Holy Bible is really what was written? The truth is we don’t.

Having said all that, here is where I stand on sexuality. We can banter back and forth. One side can shout we are right the other can shout you are wrong, but in the end we all have to face our own mortality and be judged by God and He is the only judge (assuming you believe what the Bible says). That being the case, who died and made any human being God? Who gave any human being the right to judge another? I do remember that there is a Bible verse that says “judge not lest you be judged.” Over the years I have come to realize that there is a lot more gray in the world than black and white. It is nobody’s business what sexuality an individual chooses but that individual’s. Debating whether one was born gay or straight is like asking which came first the chicken or the egg? What the hell difference does it make? The reality is there is an egg and chicken and we have to deal with it.

This world is a hateful non-inclusive place most of the time. People who march to the beat of their own drum (like me) and refuse to conform to society’s stereotypes are ridiculed and shunned. Why can’t we celebrate our differences instead of walking along like stupid sheep to the slaughter? I am not gay, I am straight. I like being with men. Does that make me bad? Does that make me an outcast or a slut? According to previous comments as sin is a sin is a sin so I would be a sinner dammed for hell wouldn’t I? Is my lifestyle choice any more or less a sin than that of a gay person? I don’t think so, I think that neither of them are sins.

I think the greatest sin in the world is to not love. Christ came and preached a message that people still don’t hear today…Love one another. He did not say love one another only if you’re straight or only if you’re monogamous or only if you’re gay. He simply said LOVE ONE ANOTHER. Is it really that hard?

May 11, 2012

Doubting Thomas

by Andrea Tadpole

The God of my understanding gave me the most beautiful picture of His love for me in the Bible. My favorite story is of Doubting Thomas. Thomas walked with Christ every day, knew him intimately. Yet, when Jesus came to him after His resurrection, even standing right in front of him, ole Tom said something like, "Yeah right, sure your Jesus, prove it!" Jesus loved him so much and understood his humanness and doubt such that He told Tom to go ahead a poke his finger in His side.

I am just like Doubting Thomas. I wake up every morning and stick my finger in His side to make sure He's really real. Jesus always laughs and tells me, "Go ahead and poke my side, I'm still here, I understand and I love you."

I have always thought that if my relationship with God is so precarious that I am afraid to question Him or doubt Him I need to find another Higher Power. See, God knows my heart. He knows every thought. He created me just the way I am with all the imperfections I have. Yet, He loves me, just the way I am; not because of who I am, but because of who He is. So, I will just keep poking His side every morning to make sure He is real.

May 9, 2012

Not Your Yo-Yo

by Andrea Tadpole

I’m not a trinket
You lock in a box
To pull out
When you’re bored
To get yourself off

I’m not your yo-yo
I’m not your toy
Not just something
To use
For your own
Selfish joy

Come here
Go Away
That’s the game
You play

You pull me close
Like a yo-yo
Snap me back
Down the line
Watch me twirl
At the end
And think
I’ll be fine

Yet you don’t see
What its doing to me

I’m a beautiful girl
With a passionate heart
Sensual and sexy
When treated
With love

So why do you
Play me
Like a stupid toy
Then when you’re done
Just give me a shove

You pull me close
Like a yo-yo
Snap me back
Down the line
Watch me twirl
At the end
And think
I’ll be fine

Yet you don’t see
What its doing to me

Can’t take the spinning
Don’t know which way to go

Come here
Go away
I’m tired of the game

I have no choice
I need relief
I cut the string
Now I’m free
No longer
Your toy